Tuesday February 20

Tuesday February 20, 2007

It is so unbelievably relaxing to lay down to sleep at night and to be able to relax with the sound of the surf in my ears. In the past, I tried listening to CDs that had the sound of the surf in the background. They didn’t work for me at all. It sounded like a CD or Cassette playing the surf. This is so different to me. I am not sure if it is/was the quality of the sound or if it is/was the massive difference in atmosphere.

When I was at home and trying to listen, there were all the cares of the world there. When I am here, although I am being followed by the council cares, it is still easier to put them aside for a while. I am also trying to follow some of the dreams of my heart. That could be the difference.

Today I got up long enough to watch the surf at dawn and allowed myself to be lulled back to sleep as I listened to the surf. That is so relaxing. My quality of rest is amazingly high when I allow that to happen. I feel truly rested and less stressed.

I went back into Galveston today. I checked my bank account and it said that my check had been deposited. I decide to try a Golden Corral to eat a salad and see what they are all about. I decide that although the food is good, they are merely another place where I can go and pay to eat in an unhealthy manner. I still have many of my old food addictions hanging on. The overeating when the food is available or eating foods that are unhealthy because when I order there are things that I don’t really expect put in front of me is still continuing.

Today I went cruised around the downtown area. It is a neat area that I need to come back and visit. It feeds my soul.

There are some pics that I will post of the downtown area.

There is a used bookstore in town that I won’t have time to visit. I love used bookstores. It might explain why there aren’t many used books at the GoodWill. I was looking for a helmet and to see if there was some bike stuff, but things weren’t working out well. There was nothing there I could have used.

I cruise into the WalMart and look at things like compression bags, a helmet and chain lube. The compression bags that I am looking at are water resistant. They will really help in packing. I grab them up. Then I go look at a helmet. The full face helmet that I have is way too hot to use when the temp is over 80* as it is today. I look for gloves that have gel padding and a few other things.

I am thinking about things like how to pack better, how to figure out a way to support my bags better, if the next move needs to be a trailer, etc.

Then when I go to checkout, even though my bank account says I have money, the amount won’t clear. I hate it when that happens. I realize that the bank only cleared part of the amount, but that the whole amount showed up. My heart sinks into my boots. I immediately try to decide just how to handle coming back tomorrow, getting the stuff, and wondering if it would be restocked in the same place.

Then I start to think about the stuff I read in the book while I was in Hammond and decide to take some time to look at a budget and to try to figure out which end was up and how my finances might need to be looked at if I want to stop operating as hand to mouth as I am doing.

My thinking starts to shift from getting spending to look at what I am doing. That is really a large shift for me. I am not sure if it will last, but it is a huge shift. Change comes in stages and as I look more at the situation, I realize that any change is better than none.

When I go back to the tent, I plug in and start to figure out a spending plan. After I do it, I realize there are a lot of parts that I left out and that the spending plan won’t work, but the huge drive to spend money indiscriminately without really looking at where it is going or if there will be enough for later is gone, at least for now. It may possibly be gone for good, but the level of struggle has shifted, which is great progress.

Thinking stuff through has kept me up through midnight. Tomorrow I have to go into Houston to find a place to store my bike while I go to Connecticut. I am thrilled to be able to help roll out the recovery support group training. I do see the dream of having one available on every corner.